I guess it cannot always be happy and sunshine days.
This past couple of weeks is a reflection of that. My bud of 16 years is gone, I have a dear friend sick and dying in the hospital.
On a more 'lighter' side I don't have any information about my internship, I cannot get my music advisor, my international advisor or my intern supervisor to get the stuff done that I need done....
I'm off to spend most of the weekend at the hospital...
*deep breath* Here I go.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
One week 1 day..
Its been one week and one day since I lost my bud. Sometimes I want to do nothing but cry, and sometimes that is all I do. But I guess things will get better. Or maybe they won't. Either way I guess I don't have much choice but to go forwards.
It seems lately I've had time to catch up with old friends. It has been a nice reprieve. And I will take the time while I have it because I know the calm will not stay forever. Being with my family again has its ups and downs but I am settled and okay (most of the time) with where i am at. Life of the unplanned...
It seems soon I need to go into the city. A lady I used to work with is not well so I should go asap is what I got told. Sad sad sad. Life in that community was tough but I do have many dear friends from there which I am grateful for.
huh too much emotion lately. Where did my summer go!
It seems lately I've had time to catch up with old friends. It has been a nice reprieve. And I will take the time while I have it because I know the calm will not stay forever. Being with my family again has its ups and downs but I am settled and okay (most of the time) with where i am at. Life of the unplanned...
It seems soon I need to go into the city. A lady I used to work with is not well so I should go asap is what I got told. Sad sad sad. Life in that community was tough but I do have many dear friends from there which I am grateful for.
huh too much emotion lately. Where did my summer go!
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Little frustrated
So this whole unplan thing whose was it anyhow? My job is gone from fine (most of the time) to me counting down the days when I am done. I hear after a very controversial board meeting because I'm so fabulous apparently, they are extending it. I almost want to just say NO! But I have nothing else in place yet, so that wouldn't be right.
Thems the bricks.
Thems the bricks.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Update of Unplan
Okay so back to the basics. I had set out to write about my life "unplanned" to allow things to happen, and try not to control my surroundings as much as I had in the past. I would say I have definitely achieved at least some part of this.
I had been hunting, planning, working on, doing paperwork endlessly to get an internship. After receiving two offers for internship, I accepted one and turned the other down. A few days later I found out that the one I had accepted fell through and the one I had turned down had already filled their spot. What a life lesson.
I sent an update to my closest friends telling them what happened, and I had officially thrown in the towel. I was not looking for more, I had two more things to look into and if nothing came from those things I was moving on with my life, whatever that meant. I sent one email to a director and she was happy to entertain accepting me as an intern. I sent in my application (which I had forgotten I had already completed) and then she asked for 2 video clips of me playing. I sent her about 8 clips as they were already done and the next day I had an internship. Easy as that.
I guess the message in all of this, no matter how hard I work, how much I put in I cannot control what happens in the end. Perhaps there is a better way of saying that but my mind has drawn a blank. What I put into this world, I am not necessarily going to get out of it. Maybe that is one of the harder lessons I have had to learn in my life. The book I just read comes to mind that even if the world tries to tear me down and rip me apart I need to continue to do what it is I am called to do. Not an easy one.
Speaking of unplanned, I saved my update because a neighbour of ours just told us that they are looking for people in my field in our area. What a coincidence. So I updated a resume quickly and drove it down there and met a lady.
Life unplanned can be alright, sometimes.
I had been hunting, planning, working on, doing paperwork endlessly to get an internship. After receiving two offers for internship, I accepted one and turned the other down. A few days later I found out that the one I had accepted fell through and the one I had turned down had already filled their spot. What a life lesson.
I sent an update to my closest friends telling them what happened, and I had officially thrown in the towel. I was not looking for more, I had two more things to look into and if nothing came from those things I was moving on with my life, whatever that meant. I sent one email to a director and she was happy to entertain accepting me as an intern. I sent in my application (which I had forgotten I had already completed) and then she asked for 2 video clips of me playing. I sent her about 8 clips as they were already done and the next day I had an internship. Easy as that.
I guess the message in all of this, no matter how hard I work, how much I put in I cannot control what happens in the end. Perhaps there is a better way of saying that but my mind has drawn a blank. What I put into this world, I am not necessarily going to get out of it. Maybe that is one of the harder lessons I have had to learn in my life. The book I just read comes to mind that even if the world tries to tear me down and rip me apart I need to continue to do what it is I am called to do. Not an easy one.
Speaking of unplanned, I saved my update because a neighbour of ours just told us that they are looking for people in my field in our area. What a coincidence. So I updated a resume quickly and drove it down there and met a lady.
Life unplanned can be alright, sometimes.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Unspeak
The message from those closest to me lately has been "don't complain" "learn some humility, you are full of yourself" and "you are undeserving, and ungrateful"
I know that at my worst, and sometimes even at my best I can be egotistical..but what does it mean to be confident, and what does it mean to be full of yourself? It seems most of the time that even my closest family/friends could careless about what happens with me so that leaves it up to me to be happy with my accomplishments..
The last three years I have been so beaten down to the ground, a little encouragement would be so helpful to get me going again. is that bad to want that?
I recently read a book that talked about doing things inspite of others and what life might hand you. 'People will bring you down, but do good anyways' etc. etc. Easier said then done.
Perhaps if I just gave up at accomplishing what I have set out to do, I would get things handed to me...
What a frustrating day. I am trying to keep myself from lashing out, but I feel like if I don't say something it will get bottled up and continue to grow inside me.
I know that at my worst, and sometimes even at my best I can be egotistical..but what does it mean to be confident, and what does it mean to be full of yourself? It seems most of the time that even my closest family/friends could careless about what happens with me so that leaves it up to me to be happy with my accomplishments..
The last three years I have been so beaten down to the ground, a little encouragement would be so helpful to get me going again. is that bad to want that?
I recently read a book that talked about doing things inspite of others and what life might hand you. 'People will bring you down, but do good anyways' etc. etc. Easier said then done.
Perhaps if I just gave up at accomplishing what I have set out to do, I would get things handed to me...
What a frustrating day. I am trying to keep myself from lashing out, but I feel like if I don't say something it will get bottled up and continue to grow inside me.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
His Hand
As I look back at this whole school internship...basic total debacle for the last 3 years I really wonder a. what was I thinking b. how did I ever manage c. what has this all been for? and d. what was I thinking.
Then out of the blue in one phone call everything changes in a flash. Something that I wouldn't dream about comes out of nothing. An internship for me, created specifically for my specifications or however you can describe this opportunity is there.
Something from nothing.
At the time I heard I was barreling through life trying to hang on, working, trying to get through my day, and out of no where I get a phone call and everything is changed. I guess I am so used to the bad things happening I lose track and forget that good things can happen, even to me. At the time I only thought, what is this new person like? What will be my role? How can I manage this? When I forget that perhaps I can trust something that comes along my path and take it without questioning it.
It is easy to trust, to praise GOD and say how blessed you are when good things happen. People will remind you that you are blessed tell you yes his hand is upon you. But what about the bad times? To say yes my G-D is here blessing me when me life is totally falling apart. But he was slowly preparing me. I said it a couple times to people whom I am close to that whatever must be coming... I cannot imagine. This was true. I could never imagine leaving school with no prospectives no plans, no money, no job.. Something from nothing.
So in the middle of this blog post I get an email from the 'debacler'himself. Telling me he knows everything that can solve this, but he is unwilliing to do it. Such is my life.
When I heard about this good news and opportunity I was very quick to praise and be thankful, now I feel like I am on this path with a fork in the road. I have been presented with this amazing opportunity but in it lies this HUGE risk...almost like there was bate hanging from a string and if I take it I would wind up with actually nothing.
Take this huge risk and put my fate into a professor's hands who thinks I am worth nothing?
But I still believe that only G-D could have ever made this happen. No human can create something from nothing. His hand is there.
Definitely unplanned.
Then out of the blue in one phone call everything changes in a flash. Something that I wouldn't dream about comes out of nothing. An internship for me, created specifically for my specifications or however you can describe this opportunity is there.
Something from nothing.
At the time I heard I was barreling through life trying to hang on, working, trying to get through my day, and out of no where I get a phone call and everything is changed. I guess I am so used to the bad things happening I lose track and forget that good things can happen, even to me. At the time I only thought, what is this new person like? What will be my role? How can I manage this? When I forget that perhaps I can trust something that comes along my path and take it without questioning it.
It is easy to trust, to praise GOD and say how blessed you are when good things happen. People will remind you that you are blessed tell you yes his hand is upon you. But what about the bad times? To say yes my G-D is here blessing me when me life is totally falling apart. But he was slowly preparing me. I said it a couple times to people whom I am close to that whatever must be coming... I cannot imagine. This was true. I could never imagine leaving school with no prospectives no plans, no money, no job.. Something from nothing.
So in the middle of this blog post I get an email from the 'debacler'himself. Telling me he knows everything that can solve this, but he is unwilliing to do it. Such is my life.
When I heard about this good news and opportunity I was very quick to praise and be thankful, now I feel like I am on this path with a fork in the road. I have been presented with this amazing opportunity but in it lies this HUGE risk...almost like there was bate hanging from a string and if I take it I would wind up with actually nothing.
Take this huge risk and put my fate into a professor's hands who thinks I am worth nothing?
But I still believe that only G-D could have ever made this happen. No human can create something from nothing. His hand is there.
Definitely unplanned.
Friday, June 24, 2011
In the beginning...
So I mentioned in my last blog that I have been motivated to read through the bible. I am starting with New Testament.. hopefully one day I'll be able to say I've read every book in the bible. For now I will focus on NT.
I'm not going to rush or plan how much I am going to read because that will be futile and I know will ultimately fail whatever ridiculous goal I set up for myself. I'm just going to read every day. I'm going to take it slow, reread things if my attention wanders, and take time to think about it all.
A few people have been 'on me' to read more, but this has really been my decision to do this. Lately I've been thinking when I grow up...lol...whenever that is and perhaps have kids, or even younger people around me who look up to me..perhaps I should know some of this. Not only that but for myself to get through this crazy life.
There is Psalm that I heard a couple of times that talks about G-D as a shield and buckler (!?!) and I know there are is more scripture that describes verses a defense or shield. Maybe one day these vereses will just come to me as I go about my day dealing with situations..you never know!
For now I'm at Matthew Chapter 3. I read over in my study book about King Herod and his whole history. I also took some time to understand the first chapter and the never ending list of names. There must have been a reason why Matthew began with that. I have no idea what that might be but I assume there must be some purpose.
I'm not going to rush or plan how much I am going to read because that will be futile and I know will ultimately fail whatever ridiculous goal I set up for myself. I'm just going to read every day. I'm going to take it slow, reread things if my attention wanders, and take time to think about it all.
A few people have been 'on me' to read more, but this has really been my decision to do this. Lately I've been thinking when I grow up...lol...whenever that is and perhaps have kids, or even younger people around me who look up to me..perhaps I should know some of this. Not only that but for myself to get through this crazy life.
There is Psalm that I heard a couple of times that talks about G-D as a shield and buckler (!?!) and I know there are is more scripture that describes verses a defense or shield. Maybe one day these vereses will just come to me as I go about my day dealing with situations..you never know!
For now I'm at Matthew Chapter 3. I read over in my study book about King Herod and his whole history. I also took some time to understand the first chapter and the never ending list of names. There must have been a reason why Matthew began with that. I have no idea what that might be but I assume there must be some purpose.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
First day of summer, second day of work
And so life goes on.
I had a very good second day of work. Life went just tickity-boo to quote my dad. I made up a whole bunch of charts for the new employee's coming in so it makes it easy to track stuff, took some pictures of the museum, and talked to a few people that came in. All in all a good day.
Really hoping that the 2 student employees are decent and easy to talk to too. Both of them guys younger one in high school one in first year university. At the moment I don't have a lot of faith that they will be all that useful, I just hope they don't give me grief! I have really enjoyed the last two days just working by myself...and quite honestly would enjoy that to continue. Peace and quiet gives me to time to think, and I can go at my own pace.
I can see myself settling in a semi-normal pattern. I'm going to TRY and go with the flow with this job, but it seems very quickly I am taking over managing the place because there is no one to do it.
And so it goes.
I had a very good second day of work. Life went just tickity-boo to quote my dad. I made up a whole bunch of charts for the new employee's coming in so it makes it easy to track stuff, took some pictures of the museum, and talked to a few people that came in. All in all a good day.
Really hoping that the 2 student employees are decent and easy to talk to too. Both of them guys younger one in high school one in first year university. At the moment I don't have a lot of faith that they will be all that useful, I just hope they don't give me grief! I have really enjoyed the last two days just working by myself...and quite honestly would enjoy that to continue. Peace and quiet gives me to time to think, and I can go at my own pace.
I can see myself settling in a semi-normal pattern. I'm going to TRY and go with the flow with this job, but it seems very quickly I am taking over managing the place because there is no one to do it.
And so it goes.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
A Summer 'to-do'
So thus ends my vacation. *HUGE SIGH*
It has been a very good time. For a rest from the rest of my life, for time with friends that I have been close to for a long time, and catching up with a friend I haven't seen in a LONG time. I was very grateful for all of it.
Many many things have changed, but some things have stayed the same. I have missed Saskatchewan but it is not in the cards to be there right now. Plus I also must consider if I was there, would I want to be? Or would my condition of 'anywhere but here' take over? I imagine that is the case. I was happy to go and was, well not quite ready to come back but maybe that is all for the best. Plus it will always be there when I need it =D
I feel refreshed, and relaxed and calm about everything. It has all fit into place and I haven't planned any of it. For such a time is this!
So I guess it will be on with the rest of my summer. Although I am not allowing myself to plan I am someone who enjoys lists. I am hoping to have some time to read this summer (whether or not I get to all of them) So here is some stuff on my bookshelf. There are some more books kicking around I know I want to read but they are all lost right now. So here it is!
Musicophilia by Oliver Sacks: A neurologist, and writer and appreciator of music. Perfect combination :)
This is your brain on music by Daniel Levitin. Another music and your brain book to keep my neurons working this summer.
The Lost Symbol Dan Brown: Read his other books. Liked them, don’t believe any of it is factual. But fun reads.
David Lodge, Author, Author a novel. A dry British humour book.
The Witch of Portobello by Paulo Coelho. This was recommended by a friend.
Vinyl Cafe Diaries Stuart McLean. Some short stories for sunny afternoons =)
The proposal by Lori Wick, A recent favourite author. Easy reads with nice plots.
The Bible New Testament, Jesus Christ. Recently I have felt encouraged to read through all the books of the bible. I have decided to start with the NT. I’ll keep my progress on this blog.
So I know there are some more books kicking around here I’d like to read. But this is a start.
It has been a very good time. For a rest from the rest of my life, for time with friends that I have been close to for a long time, and catching up with a friend I haven't seen in a LONG time. I was very grateful for all of it.
Many many things have changed, but some things have stayed the same. I have missed Saskatchewan but it is not in the cards to be there right now. Plus I also must consider if I was there, would I want to be? Or would my condition of 'anywhere but here' take over? I imagine that is the case. I was happy to go and was, well not quite ready to come back but maybe that is all for the best. Plus it will always be there when I need it =D
I feel refreshed, and relaxed and calm about everything. It has all fit into place and I haven't planned any of it. For such a time is this!
So I guess it will be on with the rest of my summer. Although I am not allowing myself to plan I am someone who enjoys lists. I am hoping to have some time to read this summer (whether or not I get to all of them) So here is some stuff on my bookshelf. There are some more books kicking around I know I want to read but they are all lost right now. So here it is!
Musicophilia by Oliver Sacks: A neurologist, and writer and appreciator of music. Perfect combination :)
This is your brain on music by Daniel Levitin. Another music and your brain book to keep my neurons working this summer.
The Lost Symbol Dan Brown: Read his other books. Liked them, don’t believe any of it is factual. But fun reads.
David Lodge, Author, Author a novel. A dry British humour book.
The Witch of Portobello by Paulo Coelho. This was recommended by a friend.
Vinyl Cafe Diaries Stuart McLean. Some short stories for sunny afternoons =)
The proposal by Lori Wick, A recent favourite author. Easy reads with nice plots.
The Bible New Testament, Jesus Christ. Recently I have felt encouraged to read through all the books of the bible. I have decided to start with the NT. I’ll keep my progress on this blog.
So I know there are some more books kicking around here I’d like to read. But this is a start.
Friday, June 17, 2011
All things must come to an end
So I finished school May 14th this year got back to home May 16th and since then I have been LIVING IT UP!!!!
Had a very nice jaunt to Vegas, did an interview for a job this summer, interview for a internship... and now I'm in my homeland with close friends. However I guess it is time to start getting out of vacation mode. I start work on Monday and I need to start driving back tomorrow.
Fathers Day is Sunday so I need to be back for that too! =D
I have had a very nice break, I don't think if I was busy planning my life out for the next foreseeable future I would have been able to enjoy it as much. When I went to Vegas I literally thought about nothing coming next. When I was home I only spent time on the things that I could control, and that needed to be done. Since I've come back to Sask. I haven't had to think about a lot. How BLESSED I am to be able to have this time, and I am SO happy that I have had this time I will cherish it, because although I do not know what is coming next, I do know my life will not always be this calm.
Had a very nice jaunt to Vegas, did an interview for a job this summer, interview for a internship... and now I'm in my homeland with close friends. However I guess it is time to start getting out of vacation mode. I start work on Monday and I need to start driving back tomorrow.
Fathers Day is Sunday so I need to be back for that too! =D
I have had a very nice break, I don't think if I was busy planning my life out for the next foreseeable future I would have been able to enjoy it as much. When I went to Vegas I literally thought about nothing coming next. When I was home I only spent time on the things that I could control, and that needed to be done. Since I've come back to Sask. I haven't had to think about a lot. How BLESSED I am to be able to have this time, and I am SO happy that I have had this time I will cherish it, because although I do not know what is coming next, I do know my life will not always be this calm.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Some short term results of unplanning:
So here it goes. I started this a short time ago. My plan to unplan my life. I first started this blog when I had gotten back from Vegas at the end of May. Everything in my life was up in the air. I was worried without a plan, and I was skeptical about what I was exactly doing with this new 'lease' on life.
Me now: I have a job. I signed a contract for a summer job in a museum to keep things going. It is a full time job however, it has flexible hours and I can work this job around the other things I want to do. Eventually I will be on the respite list at L'arche AND apparently I started a lawn mowing business I wasn't aware of! LOL.
My obsession with money comes by honestly. My whole family is very money focused. My cousin has been calling my grandmother harassing her for money because he doesn't have any.. that happens when you don't work... My parents are very careful managing their money, however they are more generous then the rest of my family. I think I have learned well to manage my money. I need to however maybe relax just slightly about it all.
However the funny thing about me and money is I always have it. Not in abundance but I have never gone hungry, without a roof over my head, and everything I need. And it seems that every time I worry about money it shows up in the mail, or I get a letter, or 2 jobs for the summer... Someone is looking out for me...
Me now: I have a job. I signed a contract for a summer job in a museum to keep things going. It is a full time job however, it has flexible hours and I can work this job around the other things I want to do. Eventually I will be on the respite list at L'arche AND apparently I started a lawn mowing business I wasn't aware of! LOL.
My obsession with money comes by honestly. My whole family is very money focused. My cousin has been calling my grandmother harassing her for money because he doesn't have any.. that happens when you don't work... My parents are very careful managing their money, however they are more generous then the rest of my family. I think I have learned well to manage my money. I need to however maybe relax just slightly about it all.
However the funny thing about me and money is I always have it. Not in abundance but I have never gone hungry, without a roof over my head, and everything I need. And it seems that every time I worry about money it shows up in the mail, or I get a letter, or 2 jobs for the summer... Someone is looking out for me...
Sweet Home Saskatchewan
It has been almost a year... and I cannot believe it! I haven't been home here in almost a year. I guess I tried to convince myself this wasn't home anymore because I literally do not have a home here..but it still feels the same. And I am happy to be here. I laugh at myself because I was SO antsy to leave when I did BUT now I jump at the chance to come back. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I didn't so much plan this trip other then I have some amazing friends (more like family) to visit. I have a few very dear friends who I need to see. It isn't even a want. I need an opportunity to be myself, to be comfortable around some people who I know care about me and want to lift me up. There are just way to many people that I have been surrounded by lately that all they do is bring me down. Maybe not intentionally but that is the result. When you visit with a friend you should feel alive and energized not totally drained.
I guess one source of my "feeling drained" is the family issues, building, everyone moving. It was also nice to take this trip because I start work on Monday after next so it may be my last opportunity for a break that I will have this summer.
Its funny, I didn't plan this summer, and yet I have managed to take 2 vacations (Vegas and Sask!) however I think the latter is much better then Vegas! =D and I have a full time job..and another part time gig around the town.. and its been nice. I have much more I want to right but I'll write it in another blog post so I don't jump all over the place.
I didn't so much plan this trip other then I have some amazing friends (more like family) to visit. I have a few very dear friends who I need to see. It isn't even a want. I need an opportunity to be myself, to be comfortable around some people who I know care about me and want to lift me up. There are just way to many people that I have been surrounded by lately that all they do is bring me down. Maybe not intentionally but that is the result. When you visit with a friend you should feel alive and energized not totally drained.
I guess one source of my "feeling drained" is the family issues, building, everyone moving. It was also nice to take this trip because I start work on Monday after next so it may be my last opportunity for a break that I will have this summer.
Its funny, I didn't plan this summer, and yet I have managed to take 2 vacations (Vegas and Sask!) however I think the latter is much better then Vegas! =D and I have a full time job..and another part time gig around the town.. and its been nice. I have much more I want to right but I'll write it in another blog post so I don't jump all over the place.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Hard time following the plan to not plan.
Last 2 days I've found it hard not having plans. Internship is giving me some worries, not hearing, not having everything planned is not easy! I have been corresponding with the next internship I am interviewing for, and I am more hopeful with this one. It is more practical, and probably more suited to me then the other. But I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket. I won't know until everything is confirmed through school.
So why is it so hard not to have a plan? I guess humans like to be able to predict what is going to happen. To have everything in black and white so we know what will happen. I guess most don't do 'unpredictability' well. But in fact nobody knows what is going to happen. I'm finding this hard right now. I like lists I like to know what I will do in my day what needs to be done etc. Not knowing can be over whelming.
Today I slept in, wasn't feeling especially well. Woke up and my parents changed plans to go to Winnipeg the weather was bad and with the NHL business it will be crazy. I helped dad move lumbar then I went into the house and helped clean up after the gyprocking. Then I was in the shop for a bit helping dad. Came in and was tired so I tired to sleep but couldn't so time for a blog update!
Doing nothing is hard!
So why is it so hard not to have a plan? I guess humans like to be able to predict what is going to happen. To have everything in black and white so we know what will happen. I guess most don't do 'unpredictability' well. But in fact nobody knows what is going to happen. I'm finding this hard right now. I like lists I like to know what I will do in my day what needs to be done etc. Not knowing can be over whelming.
Today I slept in, wasn't feeling especially well. Woke up and my parents changed plans to go to Winnipeg the weather was bad and with the NHL business it will be crazy. I helped dad move lumbar then I went into the house and helped clean up after the gyprocking. Then I was in the shop for a bit helping dad. Came in and was tired so I tired to sleep but couldn't so time for a blog update!
Doing nothing is hard!
Saturday, May 28, 2011
First of the Unplanning
Okay so I talked about it, thought about it...and with my best effort, unplanned to start this blog! Why have I started this blog? Well, this is my first summer since high school where I haven't had my entire life planned out, and I decided to document it the momentous occasion.
Ever since I can remember, way back in elementary school perhaps, I have had a plan. I would obsess over what I was going to do the next day, the day after that, the week after the that, the year after that. I would try and envision my future and plan it all out so my life was incredibly predictable. I knew I wanted to be in music, I knew that I would go to University, that I would get at least 2 degrees and that I would work all through my education.
But somewhere along the way things changed. I did not predict I would leave my second school, that I would leave the country to finish school and return jobless and more or less homeless. It is a unique position to be in right now. I have no financial obligations other then a student loan that will eventually come due when I finally finish my program. I, for the moment, don't have a job and have no prospects unless I manage to snag an internship.
I did something very irresponsible (to me anyways) and when my semester finished I packed a bag and went to Vegas for 5 days to just have fun. I felt very anxious about the whole idea. I left my internship stuff up in the air, I left with no job lined up, and not a lot of money in my account. I guess I did not realize how much I dwell on money. (more on that later) But I managed to get there all in one piece and have a blast. Perhaps one thing I may learn from this is how to live in the moment.. But I'm skeptical.
So here it is. first blog of my 'unplanned' life.
Ever since I can remember, way back in elementary school perhaps, I have had a plan. I would obsess over what I was going to do the next day, the day after that, the week after the that, the year after that. I would try and envision my future and plan it all out so my life was incredibly predictable. I knew I wanted to be in music, I knew that I would go to University, that I would get at least 2 degrees and that I would work all through my education.
But somewhere along the way things changed. I did not predict I would leave my second school, that I would leave the country to finish school and return jobless and more or less homeless. It is a unique position to be in right now. I have no financial obligations other then a student loan that will eventually come due when I finally finish my program. I, for the moment, don't have a job and have no prospects unless I manage to snag an internship.
I did something very irresponsible (to me anyways) and when my semester finished I packed a bag and went to Vegas for 5 days to just have fun. I felt very anxious about the whole idea. I left my internship stuff up in the air, I left with no job lined up, and not a lot of money in my account. I guess I did not realize how much I dwell on money. (more on that later) But I managed to get there all in one piece and have a blast. Perhaps one thing I may learn from this is how to live in the moment.. But I'm skeptical.
So here it is. first blog of my 'unplanned' life.
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